Are You Kidding Me? NOBODY Types Anymore!

So I've been away from this blog for a while. I had pretty bad Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my right hand. I've had it for about 12 months or so, with no sign of it really getting any better, despite various therapies such as physiotherapy, acupuncture, shiatsu massage and many other probably slightly crackpot therapies that I don't really care to mention.

In any case, several weeks ago I was at the local supermarket and his kid behind the counter who couldn't have been more than about 17, asked me what was wrong with my hand. When I explained to him what Carpal Tunnel was, the kid said that he got sore thumbs often from playing computer games. Of course, I gave him a big ‘mum’ lecture about how he only has two hands and he should really reconsider his compulsive computer game playing.

The kid asked me what I did as a job, and I quite dismally answered I'm a writer so this is pretty much the worst thing that could ever happen. So the kid looks at me and he says “Are you kidding, I mean, nobody types anymore!' And I'm thinking ‘Nobody types anymore?” Are YOU kidding!? So then this kid tells me about this voice recognition software called Dragon.

He says all you have to do is turn on your computer and open Microsoft Word and start talking and the computer starts typing words for you. Now I’d already heard about this kind of software. In fact, my brother was investigating for me at the time. But to hear this young kid spout about it like it was the new ipad, really gave me hope.

Fast forward one month and here I am sitting at my computer with a headset on dictating this to you in my first use of the Dragon Software. I've got to admit it really is pretty amazing. It's going to take some getting used to and looking back on this document I can see a few mistakes and a few assumptions the programs made about my speech patterns and vernacular. But I'm here blogging and writing - not in the traditional way but hey, I'm all into folding. Oh - the program seems to have typed I'm into folding as opposed to evolving.

Well, you know what they say, practice makes perfect.

So what about you? Are you one of those plebs who still uses your hands to write? Because if that kid behind the supermarket checkout counter is right, spoken word is the new written word, and that just might be the kind of world that I'm prepared to live in.

Vacancy Sign

Sanity

Occupy: a sit-in peace-cry

one percent of citizens
set the world agenda
dictate the wealth
our health / our salaries
the world / the way
the weather

we pit non-violent disobedience
against hardcore corporate greed:
the sit-in of the century
is taking back the streets
from banks
& bombs
& bullies
mismanagment
& unrest

from dishonesty
delusion
deceptiveness
& excess
from corporations / politicians
cops / locks / lies
& institutions

it’s stand-up of the century
OCCUPY / the revolution

OCCUPY will not be televised
it happens in real time
OCCUPY has no borders
& OCCUPY will not take lives
OCCUPY will not cost money
OCCUPY does not take sides
OCCUPY is for decency
& OCCUPY stands for life

american as apple: a steve jobs tribute poem

steve jobs died
& the world wide web
cried out their i’s

the genius illusion
is american as

pie:




a lonely wizard
behind a large velvet curtain
keeping
the legend
alive

The Case For & Against Gay Marriage in Australia

The Case Against
1.
It will open the floodgates:
What if someone wants to marry a horse next?
Where will it end?

2.
It will be a massive victory
for socialists,
radical activists
& atheism.

3.
Baby jesus
will end up crying
very loudly,
& he doesn’t have a dummy.

4.
It will lead
to a massive carbon tax
on household goods.

5.
The mining sector
will be absolutely
screwed.

6.
Working families
will suffer
as the cost of living rises
exponentially

7.
Think
about
the children.

on blogging too much

how to be a dapper melbourne chap

wear skinny jeans
in navy / dark grey / or black
a tasseled winter scarf
or quirky handcrafted hat
a tousled bed head
asymmetrical cut
or an overgrown dylan fro
of so-hip-i-can’t-be-fucked

or be scalp-razored
on a zero blade or one
with not-that-kind-of-pretty
two day old stubble

read rolling stone
collect records
frequent secondhand book places
talk poetry / art
& politics
but detest the horse races

shop at farmers markets
chinese grocers
jewish bakeries
or russian deli’s
watch films at acmi
know where the state library is

be vague
or ironic
or funny
or erratic
& wear skinny fit jumpers:
either hoodies or knits

be heroically underpaid
or disgustingly overpaid

extreme poeranoia